We're Number Two

Easing back into the writing groove after that weekend-long District Of The Day 3 marathon. I know I promised you readers No Sleep Till Dubuque but I really should have read all those campaign finance reports sooner.

It's a new semester and in Iowa City that means another move up the charts in the Party School Ranking, all the way to Number Two With A Bullet (P-C pay wall):

The book also ranks UI No. 6 on its “Lots of Hard Liquor” list, No. 6 on the “Students Pack the Stadiums” list, No. 8 on the “Students Study the Least” list and No. 9 on the “Lots of Beer” list.

But... but... wasn't 21 Bar supposed to save us from that menace? Time for The Authorities to separate the issue of alcohol ABUSE from the drinking AGE and recognize that 18 year olds are ADULTS.

With the right to vote, as now that the semester is underway and everyone is settled into their dorms and apartments, the voter registrations are starting to pick up. And with that, the Democrats' first big vote by mail mailing, which hit mailboxes over the weekend.

At least there's one thing today's students don't have to worry about: the military draft. Neither did Mitt Romney, who "says" his dad convinced him: "I was too important to go to Vietnam. I had a greater purpose in life. I wasn’t neglecting my nation, but rather preparing myself for a future of service.” 

UPDATE: Oops! It appears I've been Onioned into believing a too believable parody. Must have been part of that Communist brainwashing. One of the all-time classic gaffes; by the end of today we may know more about where Todd Akin ranks on that scale. Today is the first and more significant of Missouri's dropout deadlines.

As for Mitt, while it may not be literally true, "too important" fits a pattern of Colbert style truthiness, whether it's arguing that his sons are "serving their country" by working on his campaign (that he actually DID say), or his apparent belief that taxes are charity. Jason Sudeikis should have a lot of fun this fall, if he decides to come back to SNL...