Koni: "I saw that gopher again today and he's the fattest gopher ever." That's probably because he, or someone, harvested the Smallest Farm's corn crop before Farmer John could! All that was left of the first batch was broken stalks and some half-gnawed ears.
Hayden has a solution:
JOHN'S FURY PART 2
Once upon a time a beaver ticked off John. So John used C-4 explosives to kill it.* But it didn't work.
So he called Sarah Palin. She shot it like it was a moose and she got in a helicopter and flew away. The End.
I swear to god that, verbatim, is what my nine year old wrote. There's some dispute as to whether the critter is a gopher or a beaver.
* Have I mentioned that the boys have seen Caddyshack?